Joe’s lounge

Don’t have much to say about life, i don’t know since when, but it actually nothing particular shows up for a long time, everyday is just as normal as the still water.

Last time i wanna write is the very last day of 2008, you know, to sum up what had happened or what i’ve done, what i’ve accomplished in 2008, but i didn’t write that post. 2008 means a lot to me: i graduated from college; the very first job in my life; those sleepless nights worried about where to go, what to do, i can still remember those songs i listened during the three months of job searching, and i still have feelings while listening to these songs, feeling of sad, feeling of hopeless.

Shouldn’t these all be remembered? Coz, as the process of a man’s  life, what he thought, how he acted would have profound effect on his future, and they also serves as the evidence of a man’s growing: Nothing unless we do something.

Don’t know how our company’s plan for lunar new year, probably i would have only three days holiday, a day for returning home, a day for coming back, only one day staying at home. And this would be a The First too, the first time in my life only have three days holiday for lunar new year. Because of this, some promises would sold down the river, like student reunion, party, relative visiting, and i remember i have a big box filled with books, the day i left school, i mailed it to one of my friends in my county, and still have no chance to get it back for almost 6 months.

Sorry then, see what i can do.

2008 is coming to an end, and that reminds me a lot of things which happened at the same time last year: worry about passing the test; the graduation; find a god damn job, no doubt under a lot of pressure. But things happen a year later, i mean now, nothing has changed, sulky days still…

Just talkd to a friend, she said she’s on her biz trip to Vietnam and will back on Christmas eve, and i said finally, getting out of this evil country, fucking harmonious society, fucking fake relationships between people, fuck! On the other hand, that would be a good opportunity for self-development, though Vietnam is not a developed country, but at least she’s out, and me? Never been out of GD, not even a chance. And then i told her how envy i am and how sorry about myself of being at the company which i’m start to feel sick of it, she told me: maybe you’re just thinking too much.

That’s just like a strike to my head and i said, that’s the point, that’s what i’m doing! That would be the key point to eliminate my growing resentment to my job! And that’s what i’m gonna do, to get myself busy and don’t get disturbed by someone else. Sometimes i think of myself: a dreamer without dreams, what’s this all about?

This clip represents those post-80s who were born in cities, which supposed to be a great generation, but they’re too small to live in the environment of reconstruction of the society, therefore, they have the similar experience and memories, and that makes the post-80s a symbol of social development. Thank our parents and those predecessors who help to raise us up, cultivate us and help us.

Happy thanksgiving, happy our lives.

There’s a draft i wrote few months ago which i had no intention to publish was published. Why? coz when i look back to those words, i have a profound feeling about lives of those days and call up my memories about everything at work. So if i don’t publish it, maybe i’ll feeling sorry about that years later.

Alright, let me summarize both life and work for the past few months. First is life, as arranged, i took part in the PETS4 a month ago, and according to the previous experience(that’s the benefit of keeping diaries), result will come out in early Nov., or maybe late Oct., hope i get pass this time:) Talking about English, i started the morning read few weeks ago, the book is called How to Stoping Worrying And Start Living by Dale Carnegie, a book i brought from Dangdang few months ago, along with another book also written by Dale Carnegie: How to Win Friends And Influence People, and it will be my next target to take it down. The way i’m doing morning read is first download the audio book from the Internet, copy into my mp3 player, following the speaker and read my book in hand. Benefits i learned from this way of praticing, which i’ve never found out before, is that it can pratice only the listening, reading, but also oral skills. Besides, people like me can learn some worry solving techniques from this book too, i think that’s what others say: kill two birds with one stone.

Next think i wanna talk is work, obviously time can change anything, and now i can handle some jobs directly by myself, tough though, but as i said, time can change anything, so let’s see. And i wanna thanks my colleagues, their tolerance and willingness to help makes me feel a lot better. Our team, total 22 of us had a lunch last week, most of us had a great time and had a great fun, including me… There’re photos, but there’re too large to send out by mail to my inbox, maybe i’d show you some other time.

A month again, and i’m here to continue my “journal”, this time i didn’t write it at office but at dorm, the reason is simple: I’m busy while at office. You might curious how’s that possible, me? busy? A month ago, it is not possible, as i have told you guys all my diary activities at office, and most of the time i was just sitting and doing nothing, that’s why i can wrote my words during working hours. Ever since i was transferred to another team, everything has changed: colleague, job responsibility, daily work routing. For me, this is just another month of training. Though that’s not easy, but i feel a little bit excited coz i don’t have to pretend  doing something (actually nothing) and feeling awful.

—————————————-above wrote a month ago

22th Aug, two months after transferred, life has not been easy…

IT SEEMS THAT I SHOULD GO TO SLEEP BEFORE 10PM, BECAUSE I JUST FEEL SO TIRED SITTING HERE. PASSIONLESSNESS PROBABLY IS THE MAIN REASON WHY I FEEL TIRED, “LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD”, I CHOOSE LIVE FREE IF I CAN. “I CAN” MEANS I DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT PLACE TO LIVE, FOODS TO EAT AND CLOTHES TO WEAR, THAT’S THE MOST BASIC ELEMENTS OF A “LIFE”, I WOULD APPRECIATE SOME ADDITIONAL “BONUSES” OF COUSE, BOOKS, CUBES, NO WOMEN, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHERE TO LIVE, EVEN IN A FORREST, I WILL BE AS GOOD AS THE RICHEST PERSON ON THE PLANET, OR EVEN BETTER.

BUT THE FACT IS THAT I WILL NEVER BE A GUY LIKE THAT, NON OF ANYONE WHO LIVES ON THIS PLANET. BECAUSE WE HAVE SO MUCH TO CARE ABOUT, FIRST AND THE MOST IMPORTANT OF COURSE IS YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FATHER, YOUR MOTHER, AND THE SO CALLED “RESONSIBILITY TO GET MARRY, THEN NEED TO HAVE A CHILD AND RAISE HE/SHE UP”, WHAT A TRADITIONAL THOUGHT! ANOTHER IS THE SO CALLED “SOCIATY RESPONSIBILITY”, AND THAT LIMITES EVERY WORDS YOU SAY, EVERY MOVES YOU MAKE, OTHERS LIKE “WORK FOR YOUR COUNTRY”, “FOR THE COUNTRY’S FLOURISHING”, ANYTHING! LIFE SHOULD BE FREE RIGHT?

ANYWAY, I CAN CHANGE NOTHING, IF YOU SAY SOMETHING, THAT SOMETHING MUST BE ME.

SEE, I’M WRITING ALL THESE CRAPS DURING MY WORKING HOURS AGAIN, I DON’T WANNA DO THAT HOWEVER, BUT WHATELSE I CAN DO?

FORGIVE ME FOR THE ALL CAPITAL-LETTERS WRITING STYLE, IF YOU FEEL NOT GOOD OF READING ALL THESE STUFF, JUST SKIP THAT.

I’m almost forget I’ve ever owned this blog and always will, seriously, the day since I started my job career, English seems no longer that important to me, though I need to read mails contracts whatever materials that related to my job funtioning, what i’ve learned is just enough. i have to say, that’s the main reason why i didn’t write my blog for a month and i don’t want to pick up my vocabulary book anymore. Suddenly i realized that this is the begining of the end, the end of my growing, the end of my knowlodge, the end of my life.

People just can’t simply satisfied with the currently condition, for me, I’m the person who don’t willing to change, everything, if I have my girl, I bet I won’t change her easily, and that’s me. After two months of working (actually is training), I experienced what i believe the hardest time to live with people, so what? I’m nobody, so there won’t be some so called “mercy”. My defectiveness, my own problem, no one can solve it unless i’m willing to, and that’s me too.

I don’t know why my supervisor leave me in this team, because I got not so many things to do and the relationships with others also not that satisfied, I can get my job done, only if I have something to do. I thought about requesting, requsting to transfer to another team, another so called “always busy” team, so that i don’t have to care about relations something like that, all i have to do is to get my job done and that is it, when it’s time to off to go, i will leave on time, it’s better if i have to OT, because i can get the extra money. But all these is just what i’m thinking, that doesn’t means i have to implement it. Why not quit after the several days remaining training period if i don’t get what i want or what i need, and that would be a more moral alternative for me. Life is a struggle, just like the lyrics of this song, no matter what happened, no matter how things change, just be myself.

By the way, i wrote all these during my mid-day break at the company, hoping you can find no mistakes during your reading, because i didn’t use English for a long time…

It seems that i have a job now, almost two months after living here, forgive me for not updating for a while, i just feel that it’s not right to keep posting while i’m still jobless. Thanks for my friends who keep on cheering me up, i can’t say all these are useless, but they do lead me to the positive side of life, so many times i thought i might breakdown, they showed me right direction and drive, i’m talking about everybody around me, again, thanks.

There’s still a lot of time till the very day i go to work, so i’m planning to go back home for a few days. It’s a little bit funny that i’m actually losing my weight, for some that might be good, but for me, that wasn’t very good. So what i’m gonna do, first relax, second increase some weight :razz:

The longer i stay here aimlessly, the more confused i feel! “How’s going about your job seeking?” is a very popular phrase that i receive from my friends. Some ask is because they are really care about that, care about me, but some are just checking around, see whether you’ve had a job or not, if not, they feel happy and if yes, they feel worry and start complaining. What cause this abnormal way of thinking and doing this is that they don’t treat you like a friend, just like some kind of tool, a tool they use only when they needed, in the name of “friend”. The distinction between them is that after i finished reply, some disappear immediately, some keep on sending messages “take it easy, my friend”, and that’s what i realised the true friends.

I start buying cubes since last December after a friend of mine taught me how to play a cube, using $ on my Paypal account. But last week, i withdraw all my $ and transfered into my banking account, though it’s a small sum of money, but it really can support my daily expenses, so that i can stay here longer by my own (accommodation free).

Anyway, i’ll continue my job seeking here in guangzhou, as a true friend told me “cheer up!” Oh, i’m almost forget to tell you that i made a great music player, songs listed in that player are my favorite (i believe they’re great songs too). Check this out Music Player

It’s been days for me here in Guangzhou doing my “seeking-job job“, and i never feel so torturing like this before. Lots of resumes were sent out with only one response, it was a failure try, so i gave myself an excuse of being an interviewee for the first time. Back here after my first interview, i adjusted my self-introduction (never have a way of logical expression before) both in ENG and CHN, and start thinking i can do it better next time. But since then, I’ve got no interview reservation! I don’t get it, why to get an interview reservation is so difficult, or it’s just my problem? or maybe it’s just the time for me to adjust my resume again… Attitude is everything, as long as i keep my attitude towards to the positive side of life, i think soon i’ll be no more a job-less guy :mrgreen: 

I went to school last week, what i have done was just get my clothes packed and a small dorm-mate reunion (one absent because he had his work to do in Huizhou), and i got a cold :!:  Whatever, the atmosphere of staying at school was different, the whole school seem so quiet, but actually students were already having classes, there should be some kind of activities like basketball games, but… A friend said that’s the changing of thoughts, we’re growing old…